from the Tumblr, four days ago

I have been telling people when they ask about my summer plans “If I get the research grant, I will be doing research in Asheville, otherwise I’ll be spending the summer in Charlotte and possibly volunteering.”
And for the past couple weeks, what with being totally drained from Happiness Week, schoolwork, and finals, I have been thinking that I would like to have a summer off doing nothing much other than possibly practicing piano, writing, reading, watching TV and movies with Wesserkins, maybe seeing Nathan if he comes to NC, possibly volunteering with Gracie Harrington’s national LGBTQIA college group organization, and possibly volunteering at the CMLibrary.
But I’ve changed my mind. I don’t know whether it’s because I’ve not had to stress about finals or club events, because my meeting Thursday afternoon with the leaders of my small group forced me to deal with the fact that my sexual and religious identities are in legitimate conflict that needs to be resolved, because I’ve had multiple points where I’ve had to explain my research project or related topics to people, because after hanging out this evening with the socialists (especially Emiliano, who is doing things this summer that integrate his religious an political beliefs) made me realize that I am called to some sort of activism, or (most likely) some combination of the above. I have decided, however, that even if I am not funded I will attempt to do my research anyway. I have contacts already in Asheville, and I can ask them to help me find a host family to stay with while I do my research. I won’t be able to pay them rent, but I will do any chores, cooking, errands, or anything else they need me to (like living in a commune!). I may even stay with my mom’s college friend who’s an Episcopal priest in the area, if all else fails. 
There’s a lot of work I’d need to do to prepare for this, both as far as reading, theorizing, and preparing myself spiritually (with the expectation that God will move powerfully through this work) and as far as organizing logistically, contacting people, finding interviewees, and keeping both a private and web log. If this is truly the work set before me, God will provide strength and provision. I guess at this point the important thing is to gird up my loins with readiness.